The 13th Warrior
by Yngvildr the Voracious
Summary: What is it that everybody has with self-inserts ! That is such a boring style ! Here is the first piece of my exercice de style. Warning : Evocation of rape in the later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_I hate self inserts, but I wondered what I would happen if I even tried. I first wrote something really silly and romantic until I got to a really strange point where I inflicted myself strange pains only because I wanted to write an original story. Here it is. I don't have any beta reader and I'm too lazy and busy to find one so, if someone feels like removing the gallicisms here and there, contact me in a MP with a corrected version of the chapter. Also use the British English spell check in Open Office. Thank you._

_Yngvildr the Voracious._

* * *

"**W**hy are people so drawn by self-inserts, what do they have that is so interesting ? It's basically always the same from ME-1 to ME-2. If I was ever to wr..."

My throat suddenly dried out and my fingers left my keyboard to vainly try and shield my trachea. Flames were licking at my skin, the heat scorching it as it started to blister and smell awful. I tried to yell at first, but my throat was so dry. Soon after I realised that it didn't hurt. My beautiful dark skin was soon all burnt, an ashen coloured pulp mass and I could only guess what had happened to my hair. I sincerely hoped that my throat wasn't too damaged. I'm nothing without my voice.

The flames eventually died out, leaving me alone, naked and suddenly, very much in pain as I fell onto a cold metal floor. And I screamed. Somewhere deep down, the echo of my own voice pleased me. No one will take my voice from me.

I dreamt. A lot. In one of those, I was at my computer, waiting for team mates to come into my League of Legends custom game lobby while writing an acidic comment about self-inserts. "And how is it that every self inserted guy is seventeen and rolls in the Alliance whose age limit is eighteen ? What is it ? A fucking Kai Leng syndrome ?".

I'm not that much older than them. Turned twenty one last February. Ben had hidden in the closet when I came back from the campus and scared the hell out of me with a laughter filled 'BOOH !' when I had reached the living room. I jolted back into the kitchen and laughed yelling about how much of a dick he was, trying to smack him with my hands. It wasn't serious, of course. I would hit his arms with clumsy and wide arms movements and yell insults at him. Couldn't he see me burn ? Diablo III was just out and he was trying to connect just next to me on his own computer. Did the cat see me burn ? Our great clever and dumb european shorthair with a knack to open the fridge and cupboards but no clue about what was going to happen if he ate all his cat food can and some of the cake for dessert. Dear Enkeli. I want to bury my nose in your fur. I want to open my eyes and see the living room's door, always opened, unaware of the tall dark haired man holding his laughter and a silver ring with a shiny transparent stone on it. Probably not a diamond, but I couldn't care less when he was making love to me after asking me to be his wife.

My mind wandered a lot because even with opened eyes, I could only see the colours. I chuckled and it hurt. Of course, I burned alive on my fake-leather chair and then felt cold metal floor, I suppose my glasses were nowhere to be found when people brought me in this white room. Blurry silhouettes were my doctors. Every time I felt less numb and a bit more existing, they came. I supposed that they were giving me more painkillers. And then one day, when I opened my eyes, all was clear. I looked at my right. A door, with a big green holographic panel on it. I closed my eyes and opened them again, thinking I had an hallucination. It was still there.

I started to panic. I looked at my left and there was a great window bay that led to the most familiar view of the world.

The Citadel's Presidium.

"Non... Non..." I mumbled in my mother tongue.

Looking in front of me wasn't good either, because a human bust was greeting me, speaking in English of a certain Elcor diplomat being killed by C-Sec forces after having butchered half a dozen of humans, turians and asari.

I exclaimed at least the double of this number in French expletives. Soon, doctors were flooding through the door and as I was crying. Their hands felt even more real. I yelled when the salarian reached for my arm, almost jerking myself out of the bed. This was a nightmare. It couldn't be. The salarian stepped back and an asari came in his stead. I didn't want her near me either. I signalled her to stop with my both arms extended in front of me, palms raised. I added a "stop" to be sure I was understood. The asari stopped in her tracks.

And I didn't know what to do. I felt like singing a bawdy song, just so it could relax all my muscles and make me laugh all alone and appear mad, like I'm used to. Instead, I hummed a tune. I didn't remember what it was. Probably something my dad played on his guitar when I was a kid... Or something from a CD my mom had listened a lot from her mother's and aunts singing in weddings that happened long ago between the mountains and the desert.

African traditional music from north and south of the Sahara flowed through my head and soon I had my eyes closed and was transported in a country were water is even more precious than gold.

_Hayart alby ma'ak wana badary wa akhaby (You've confused my heart and I try to hide it )_

The Lady of Egypt, of course. Her voice was strong and soothing. The words always came wrong in my mouth as I could speak many languages but never those that were my ancestors', for some reason. I was calmer now. I was able to think straight. I gestured the doctors to come close and forced a smile on my face and opened my eyes. That's when it dawned on me. My burns were gone. My skin was a pale shade of brown in many areas, except near one of my finger, where it appeared almost pink. When I ran my thumb through it, it hurt.

The asari said something to me. Probably about avoiding to touch the wound while it was healing. She was speaking in a very smooth voice that was using a very throaty language. It almost sounded like arabic. And I couldn't speak it to save my life, nor the fulani dialect my father used with his mother for that matter. I felt so stupid. But I was fluent in English and Finnish and had notions in every other European language. I even spoke a good Japanese and Korean from my holidays spent playing Team Fortress 2 with an expat friend in Tokyo. Even with the killer ping, hearing all those guys talking had imprinted copious amounts of linguistics data in my brain. And I knew I could do the same with _them_. I am the Thirteenth Warrior, after all, I sarcastically thought.

In the inside, I still wish that I can close my eyes, fall asleep and discover that Ben carried me to our bed and tucked me in, laying a peck my cheek as he was doing so.

Instead, I woke up in the same hospital room above the peaceful radiant Presidium and I realised my whole life had become a nightmare.


	2. Chapter 2

**I** was watching the TV. I didn't care much for Human shows, they only told me when and where I was. Instead, I focused on Alien programs. At least, learning something would distract me. Some people might dream of this very moment and enjoy it, but I didn't. The news I stumbled upon about a certain John Shepard being the sole survivor of a Thresher Maw attack on a human colony made me estimate the number of years I had left to live of six to nine. Nine years until Hell broke loose. It made me shudder.

I glanced at the turian C-Sec officer near the door of my hospital room, he was reading a data pad, not looking like he was watching me at all. So much for 'protect and serve'. Doctors had tried to fit me with a translator, but I refused. I hate to rely on machines to do a translation for me. I didn't even try what this new advanced technology could do. Well, maybe I'll do. Later. They understand when I speak in English, I want to understand their language.

After this whole month, I could speak a very good common asari thanks to my doctor, Mira T'Noal. I also talked with a turian nurse, Gilmos. Turian proved difficult because of all the sub harmonics that carried hidden meanings, but I can understand them fine thanks to my friend. I still didn't get salarian, though. They talked so fast that I can't separate words in a sentence and analyse it yet. I didn't meet any other race yet. I had seen Elcor and Hanar walking the Presidium below. Even a few krogan workers and a lonely quarian, probably a kid on his Pilgrimage...

I sighed. I missed home. Most of all, I missed Ben. Was he worried or did Diablo III do its job ? Thinking about it made me stretch my full lips into a sad smile. The door opened, Gilmos was bringing me lunch. He exchanged a few words with the officer. I tried to pay attention to the conversation.

"Hey, mate ! How have you been ? I thought your Presidium decoration duty was over after you caught the Butcher."

I winced and made sure my eyes were riveted to the TV (I know it's not but I can't think of a better term and I don't remember how they're called...) so it could be imputed to the very bad Elcor soap opera that was airing.

"I think they just like to make me _soparere _until they reach an agreement. They want to _provos_ me because I did the job and they want to _deos_ me because I didn't follow the rules... And, last but not least, my Father is on the Citadel, right now." the officer answered.

Something in his voice that I was hearing for the first time stirred something in me.

"Probably going to _read__you _for hours about duty and rules." Gilmos said in what sounded in my ears like a humorous tone.

And indeed, the other turian grinned when I couldn't pretend that I had been watching TV all along.

The C-Sec officer that was inhabiting the stool in the corner of the room next to the door was at least seven feet tall with plates and skin an attractive brown and grey colour. His fringe was perfect and showing neatly painted cobalt blue colony marks. Symmetrical, long and lean and he was wearing a medium armour that fit tight around his waist.

Gilmos finally refocused his attention to me, gawking at Garrus Vakarian.

"Ellu ?" he said. "Are you all right ?"

His way of speaking, slowly and pronouncing each words with care like every time we chatted, pulled me out of my mesmerized contemplation, more than the little word I had told them was my name.

"I'm fine." I managed to say in English.

And this is how started a horrible long day until Garrus' watch was over.


	3. 1 Part One : Lancelot

**Part One : Lancelot**

**E**xcept that I thought it would be over the next day. He probably will be promoted investigator. That must be what he talked about. The words 'provos' and 'deos' probably meant 'promote' and 'demote' and he indeed is an investigator at C-Sec when Shepard meets him. Maybe.

I never was that much into Garrus' character. Except in the second and third game, where he was pretty much the 'Martin Riggs' to my 'Roger Murtaugh' Shepard. The voice was a dead give away, though. One thing that Garrus Vakarian made me do, was switching back to the original version. The French actor was good, as good as a French voice actor could be in video games back in 2007 (and even in 2012, they still mostly sucked). But no one could hold a candle to Brandon Keener. And aside from Jennifer Hale, he was the only voice actor I knew by name as well as by voice. Just because he could make panties wet faster than you can say 'Calibrations'. Hale was just above him in the list because she was the only one that could actually dampen my underwear faster than Ben AND 'Calibrations' all together. And I'm not even a lesbian. She just has an attractive voice.

Having him in the same room with me only reminded me of the Reapers and the fact that I was very far from home, in a place that was pure fiction back there. A video game on which I spent many hours discussing about, writing about, bitching about the 'multitask-button-shit' in its third instalment. Unfortunately, I had drawn his curiosity enough so he managed to come here everyday on guard duty. After a week, he even tried to start a conversation.

"So... What do you think of the Citadel ?" he asked in turian, making sure he pronounced words in full but without the exaggerated sluggish rhythm that only suggested he thought me dumb or nuts.

Gilmos had probably told him of my little disagreement with translators...

"Very exotic." I answered in English. "I didn't know that I was fit for interrogation, yet."

If turians could blush, I thought, seeing how his eyes darted to every direction, as if to make sure no one saw or heard me out witting him.

"I'm just genuinely curious." he said. "You don't have to answer. I'm not an investigator and even if I was, I'd have to fill a lot of papers just to talk to you about something as mundane as the Citadel's weather..."

"You're still a cop." I said with a smile.

It was a fake smile. I used it in job interviews and in socially awkward situations involving a fictional characters. Nobody picked on it. But he was that good, even with humans and he backed up, his arm raised as if in a peaceful sign.

And then, there was silence. For two hours.

After that, I told him everything of my life except for the Mass Effect games, in a long, long monologue, interrupting only when doors were opening twice for Gilmos and my lunch and for the Doctor Mira T'Noal saying I would be out in three weeks. C-Sec will take over and give me a 'witness' status. Garrus seemed to listen to all of it. The parts about early 21st century, he looked aghast, but he looked grim when I told him about some things that had stayed universal. Being suddenly separated from loved ones and finding yourself lost was something that could happen to everyone.

"And you just burned away ?" he asked

"Yes." I said. "But I won't tell it to the officers in charge of my interview. I know it's bad, but... I'm no one here. If I can stay a while as a victim needing protection... Just the time to... I don't know, land on my feet ! Find a shitty job with which I can survive... Find a way home..."

"Why are you telling me, then ?" Garrus asked, sounding baffled.

"I hate silence." I said. "Also, I'm convinced that you won't believe me. Anyway, I had to tell something. That or singing. I think that the talking came first because I'm so... Afraid. Afraid of this... This whole time travel shit."

Afraid of the Reapers. Afraid of Mass Effect 3's smudgy ending. Afraid of everything. I didn't voice it, though. He would think that I'm even crazier if I say it now, before he even met Shepard.

"I'm afraid of the very air I breathe." I added. I didn't like to sound so grim, but I did, like a true femme fatale that is about to hit on Garrus fucking Vakarian in a bad Mary-Sueish self-insert fanfic.

Something might have stirred in him, like in said fanfictions, because he was the one who led the squad that picked me up three weeks later.

I was sitting on my bed in clothes that had belonged to dead people and whose relatives never asked back. It made my skin itch, but I had nothing else and I couldn't just wander around in a hospital gown.

Garrus gave me a wide turian grin as he entered the room with two humans and an asari. Gilmos was there too. He gave me a data pad with his coordinates, in case I had a problem.

"Thank you a lot, man !" I said with a genuine smile. He had been good company during this whole time and I couldn't even thank him properly. I almost went to hug him and stopped halfway, my arms spread opened. I sighed.

"It's okay, let's hug !" he said. He wasn't talking in slow-mo any more. I hadn't fitted the translator they'd given me yet, though.

I chuckled as I finally embraced the turian. I almost freaked out at the feeling of the cowl. I didn't know how I could fit and I thought it best not to dive into long internal monologues about it.

I followed Garrus and his squad (they actually were more in a protective formation all around me, meaning I was only following the asari that seemed to know where she was headed) to the tiny flat I was going to live in from now on. It was in Zakera ward, near the little C-Sec bureau where Bailey will be stationed in a few years.

I looked through the door of the apartment. Tiny, but all furniture in place. A living room, a bedroom and a bathroom with a Spartan shower. And four captors.

At least, one of them was Garrus Vakarian, I thought. I smiled for a second. Then I heard Ben say 'Mais t'es qu'une nouille !' in my head. I started to cry my eyeballs out.


	4. 2 Part One : Lancelot

_**W**elcome to the end...  
Watch your step, Cassandra  
You may fall  
As I've stumbled on the field  
Sister mine  
Death's a certain thing  
Find myself in darkest places  
Find myself drifting away  
And the otherworld  
The otherworld appears _

I woke up and was on my feet in a matter of seconds. The music had surprised me. I was almost thinking me back home. Except that this month was an Alestorm month, meaning that this was certainly not Ben's alarm clock ringing. It would have been accordions and trumpets waking me up, not Hansi Kürsh's strong voice. It brought tears to my eyes again as I sat back on the bed. A look to the little room confirmed me that indeed, I was still in the fucking Citadel, near a place that would soon become Shepard's favourite.

_And then there was silence  
Just a voice from the otherworld  
Like a leaf in an icy world  
Memories will fade_

_Misty tales and poems lost_  
_All the bliss and beauty will be gone_  
_May my weary soul find release for a while_  
_At the moment of death I will smile_  
_It's the triumph of shame and disease_  
_In the end_  
_Iliad_

I decided to rub the tears off my eyes. I thought I had ran dry yesterday when I started to weep uncontrollably. Someone (probably Garrus, as I remembered the hands around my shoulders only had three fingers each) led me to the bedroom, patted my back and talked about shit until I fell asleep, I presume, because I was in my underwear. Maybe Garrus didn't led me to bed, after all. Or maybe the asari undressed me. The thought slightly bothered me, but I didn't feel like I had been molested in any way. I had to go down. Whatever was there and playing Blind Guardian probably had brought something for breakfast.

One of the humans. A man. He was shaking his head to the music playing on the living room's terminal (I had learned that from the T... The Terminal !)

"Hey, you're awake ?" he finally said, shutting the music down. "I'm sorry, I thought it was low enough..."

"I'm a bit of a light sleeper." I said. "Also, I like this band so..."

"It's a song Garrus had been listening to. Since it's human he asked me what I was thinking about it. Since my father was really fond of metal music, it was easy for me to like it."

"I used to sing in a metal band..." I said without thinking.

"Woaw !" he said. "Which one ?"

I decided that half the truth wouldn't hurt.

"Something local, we all knew each other for long and said 'hey let's have a band !' In the end, we split because we were given some opportunities..."

I didn't mention Ben. With the marriage proposal, I had decided to stop music for a while and focus on my linguistics studies and finding whatever job wanted me. Alain had been given a very good intern position that was crucial to his studies to become an engineer, Fabien had found a job to fill his daughter's mouth and Lucho's father had become sick. Only Fred's situation hadn't changed, but except the fact that he was living at his very possessive's Asian mother's house, he had the most stable situation of us all.

Fortunately, the man didn't seem to want to pry more. He just nodded at me and moved on to the objective of the day.

"We're going to go shopping for food and some clothes, today." He said. "I have to accompany you. Oh and my name's Butler."

I was pretty much pleased of this shopping outing. C-Sec was paying for most of it, even though Butler told me the exact amount of the budget for the clothing. I raised my eyebrows and settled for what was very necessary, such as underwear for two weeks and three sets of t-shirt and pants. I also bought a cheap white summer dress that wasn't a quality outfit, but since it was for possible great occasions such as job interviews (If I was ever allowed to take one, I still don't know the details of that 'witness protection program'...) I took it.

The dress wasn't ugly, but it was white and my newly healed light brown skin was just glorified by it's shine. It probably won't last, though. After that, Butler took me to an asari dinner where he offered me a meal. It was just divine. I had never tasted something so good in my life. Mom's cuisine could go to Hell. I felt the urgent need to learn everything I could from Asari gastronomy.

I almost cried in the restaurant, thinking about my mother. I could hold back and show a fake smile until Butler had accompanied me back to the flat and left for his own. He told me that Nanoshia was on duty at the C-Sec annexe down the building and that he'll be waiting for Garrus in front of the door, where they were supposed to stand vigil. I managed to place everything we had bought in the cupboards and dressings that were hidden in the walls until I fell into the couch and finally cried. I turned the terminal on and Blind Guardian's _And Then There Was Silence_ was still on. My tears doubled.


	5. 3 Part One : Lancelot

**T**he investigation concerning me had been dropped when the organs trade began to boom on the Citadel. I had an interrogation about how I, an unregistered Earthborn human with no prerequisite vaccines in order, had been found heavily burned in the middle of Tayseri Ward. That's when I learned exactly how I was found.

Garrus was recklessly chasing Carlis Xiltophan, an Elcor responsible for many murders, the Tayseri Ward Butcher, the press called him. He unfortunately killed him, the Elcor then fell onto the detonator that activated the explosives he had set to blow himself up instead of being caught. Garrus was blown away and, then quickly tried to quench the fire. And then, there was me. I had appeared out of no where, a human, at the very place were an elcor had died. DNA samples revealed that Xiltophan had been ripped into tiny bits by the explosion. And yet a human survived. Heavily burned, but breathing. Screaming as if she was stepping into the fires of Hell (well, maybe I did). Garrus hadn't known what else to do but call for medical aid.

My hair had grown longer. It's been a year, now. Garrus had been promoted to his investigator position. I asked C-Sec to help me get a job and I got a hostess position at C-Sec Academy. When I got it, though, they stopped paying me shit. I didn't care. At least, I didn't owe them any thing any more. Working for them also solved any debt I could have had.

Butler, Gilmos and Garrus became the few friends I managed to keep. Nanoshia and Merinen, the asari and the other human that had been watching me during this sham that was the 'witness protection program' never talked to me or shared with me as much while every time Butler or Garrus would drop by C-Sec Academy's lobby, they would wink or widen their mandibles in a turian grin. Once a week, Gilmos and went to the asari dinner Butler made me discover or to that coffee shop that served both dextro and levo sandwiches and we talked about shit. When the Zakera ward flat officially became my home as I started to pay a rent to C-Sec, the three of them were invited as I had cooked an impressive dinner. It was hard to have two different dishes to serve, but I guess I had managed to do it well because nobody fainted to start to convulse, foaming at the mouth.

My nights, I spent them diving for information on the Extranet. Pretty much like the Internet, it was a mine of data that was grown even more enormous because it didn't link the inhabitants of one planet only... But a galaxy ! I listened carefully to the music, drowned myself in every culture and bathed in every language I could come across. I finally decided to install my translator, except that I only fitted it to translate hanar. I had tried to listen to the hanar evangelists, only to have intense headaches. I understood the language just fine... Speaking it was another matter. Those fucking jellyfishes didn't have any throats and communicated through light nuances and water proof pheromones.

One day, Garrus had asked me why I insisted on learning all the languages in the galaxy. We were alone in my flat, so I could speak freely.

"Because I don't trust mechanical translations." I said. "In my time, they were mostly accurate and gave you an idea, but they weren't optimal. To me, a translation must be man made."

"That will be a great bother when you'll have to follow a conversation that is happening in many languages at the same time..."

"I don't have problems when it comes to my area of expertise." I said with a smile, a genuine one. "I am... I was studying linguistics along with English, Dutch and Finnish. It was a great passion of mine. I wanted to be an Interpret for the European Union..."

My smile must have worn off because he reached for my shoulder with his hand. I was grateful. He reminded me so much of Ben, sometimes. He always was tender and appropriate as a friend should. He was so perfect that I only wanted to scratch that and tell him to show me who the real Garrus is.

One day, I did.

Butler had insisted. Gilmos was with us too, the three of them were off-duty for the week-end. I had to go to work tomorrow, though, so I let them drink. Then, Butler let slide a vodka shot on the counter towards me.

"Let me show you how it's done !"

The music that was playing in the club was already groping my brain and loosening it up. Music was my drug already, but one, two, three, thirty shots of vodka couldn't hurt. And soon, I was on the dance floor. Garrus was there too. Right next to me. So close, I felt his alcoholic breath on my forehead.

"Show me the real you." I asked, the sober part of my brain secretly hoping he didn't hear me over the loud music.

"You show me the real you." he answered. He was at least as wasted as I was.

I could see it in his eyes, two piecing blue eyes that had this haggard and fascinated look that drunk people always had... Puppies too, I thought at the time, that made me giggle. We continued to dance for a while until I started the discussion again.

"I told you everything already. Poured it over you. Like a summer rain." I said, my brain heating as the words fell out of my mouth and my skin prickled in goose bumps as I shivered to an exquisite bass caressing my ears. "Show me the real you."

And then, he let his arms slide around me as the music grew louder and gained a faster rhythm. I remember that as perfectly as a Drell would. How he made me spin wildly at the tune. Ironically, when I looked for it later, I learned it was from a Turian musician. A militaristic club tune. Trumpet-like instruments were screaming next to techno music and the sound of war drums. It almost made me think of a techno version of Amon Amarth's _Tattered Banners and Bloody Flags_. His dance was smooth and brusque at the same time. I tried to dance with him, to follow these foreign moves as if I was looking at him in a mirror. I stepped on his feet twice and hit his chest countless times. When it was over, he accompanied me to my flat. Gilmos carried Butler to his place (the poor sod had just fell into an alcohol induced sleep at some time).

Our hands were brushing as we were walking past Sirta Foundation. When we reached the door, they were touching, palm against palm. When our fingers clumsily crossed, the door opened and we slept together.

Two hours later, I had sobered up and cried for hours. Garrus called C-Sec to tell them I was sick. He took care of me the whole morning. I didn't want to be rude and shoo him off. He was my only friend in this fucked up world that was doomed because of fucking 'dismiss that claim' shit. But I felt like I had cheated on Ben. Like a scarlet stain had been printed on my face that he will see when I get back. But will I ever get back ? I consulted every conspiracy and apocalypse theory filled boards, none of them talked about time travel and I didn't want to alert authorities about my situation. I would end up in an asylum or in lab as a guinea pig.

Garrus mostly didn't believe me but he hadn't ratted me out in a full year. He was so nice, so perfect... Why wouldn't I seek for a bit of happiness in him ? He was alien and strange, but he was caring and I could help him soothe his frustrations with his job until Shepard came around.

When the 'sense and flexibility' line brushed my thoughts, I exploded in tears again. Yes, I'm that boring.

He stayed still all the time I was crying in his arms. When I looked up to meet his piercing blue eyes, I knew he had been thinking about my well being the whole time I wept.

Yes... I think I can stay with him. For a while.


	6. 4 Part One : Lancelot

**T**he week was awkward. His grins were shier until I invited him over and told him that I didn't mind he stayed. We didn't have sex for a while. It was merely a close company, until we both felt again like we felt in the when dancing. It was three months later.

He was so furious when he came to my place. I knew it was the day they were supposed to bust out the organ trading ring. If he was here, it was because he needed some comfort. Except that he scared me. It was really different than seeing it in the game. I suspected that he had already trashed furniture around in his place by the way he was pacing in the living room, on front of the sofa.

He ranted about the inaction of the officials, their failure to give way to stop a dangerous criminal. All his frustration he poured out over me, in my living-room.

"It would have only cost a fucking missile to blow up the ship and kill that salarian doctor bastard ! I'm sick and tired of these damned bureaucrats ! I should have gone into Spectre training as soon as my Father didn't have any rights on me any more, I'd probably have been authorized and thanked profusely for getting us rid of this scum, if I had..."

I did like I used to do with my little brother. He had anger management issues too. I waited until it calmed down and he dumped his heavy ass on the sofa and then went for a hug and sang.

_Memories that fade away  
Have not left their mark  
But to live on every single day _

_In many different ways_

It's the truth between his cunning lies  
That hands him his suspicious alibis  
Persuading with your force 

_Will never be the way to our destiny_

Suddenly we've lost the force  
To close our cursed doors  
No one seems to realize 

_That wolves are in disguise  
_

_It's the truth between his cunning lies  
That hands him his suspicious alibis  
Persuading with your force _

_Will never be the way to our destiny_

_Your engine was so strong  
But the road was just too long  
Hope is not the end  
So never lose the faith_

As long as we can say  
They can never take away  
Our freedom the most precious thing we've ever had  
The reward from the blood we've ever shed

His quest for higher truth  
Life of eternal youth has just begun  
In spite of being on the runè  
Many virgins wait for him to come  
Persuading with your force 

_Will never be the way to our destiny_

His breath evened as my voice filled the empty air. I looked at him in the eye. His haggard and fascinated eyes, looking at me if he wasn't quite sure I was real or as if he was wasted. I his breath upon my face. He kissed me and I didn't think about Ben. Not a single second.

After that, we stayed on the couch, naked for a while. My skin was sore from rubbing onto his chitinous plates and I had a little gash on my left shoulder were he clung to me with his talons as if I was a bollard. He was fascinated by my new growing hair.

"Hair is fantastic, isn't it ?" I said as he was still toying with curls at the very top of my scalp.

"It's quite... Unusual, yes." Garrus diplomatically said. "I like it..."

"I used to straighten them." I said. "Before I came here, I straightened them with a cream."

Indeed, they used to be carefully conditioned into a silky and thick dark mane that was turning a bit reddish from the corrosive product. The hair that had sprouted from my newly healed scalp was frizzy at some places and only slightly curly at others. The inconvenient of being _métissée_ was that I didn't know how long my hair really was until I used the straightening cream.

"My sister used a machine as a hair straightener, but I always was afraid to burn myself. I guess that now that I was in a future that could patch me up from scratch whatever the state I was in, I could use one." I added with a smile.

"Don't." he said abruptly. Then his mandibles shuddered as he added sounding a bit ashamed of himself. "Well... I like it better that way, so if you don't mind... I mean. I mean, you can do whatever you want... It's your hair, after all. It's part of your body, it would sound awkward to me if you ordered me to change my face paint to something more to your liking so..."

"Why do you compare turian markings to hair ?" I asked.

"From what I know, hair grows back. I supposed that the reason why it's curly now is because you didn't find that hair straightening cream you use. It's their natural state."

"Yes."

"Then, think about the markings as if it was hair..."

I instantly pictured Garrus Vakarian with a cobalt blue moustache and burst into laughter.

"What ?"

"Nothing." I managed to stutter in between bits of my laugh. "Just... Just, let's not continue that way or I'm going to choke to death, okay ?"

"Can you let me explain..."

"Just shut it, or you'll be the death of me !"

He still was confused but he didn't seem worried, just a bit nervous. Well, that was Garrus. Not just the video game character that had been my bro in the games, but a person. A person I really liked.

At last, I thought of Ben. What was he doing ? Was he sad ? Did he find someone to comfort him ? Was she good to him ?

I realised that the worry had faded. Did I move on too quickly ? Do I have to talk to Garrus about it ?

I thought that I should. Later. When I know where I was headed to.

Reapers incoming. ETA four to seven years.


	7. 5 & 6 Part One : Lancelot

"**H**ey, are you all right ?" I asked.

It's been six months. I still didn't know where I was headed, but I've only been confident by Garrus' side, the only person in the galaxy that knew who I was and where I came from. Hell, he was the only one who knew my real name wasn't Ellu Saisio.

Butler and Gilmos had arrived to my place early for our monthly dinners, Garrus wasn't back from his appointment. Last week, his father had called. We both agreed it was best not to break the news today but later in a text message over the Extranet to avoid any angry outburst and words such as "disinherit" or "shame on your family and the Turian people". We had set the date to the distant future where we would be living together.

I tried not to think of the Mass Effect series when I saw him come back with a sad puppy look on his face.

"Just some bad news." he said, sounding weary. "Let's have a taste of what you cooked." he added, trying to sound cheerful as he got seated. Gilmos heard naturally all of his sub-vocals and Butler and I knew him for a while now to notice it was bad, really bad. We had dinner and tried to get him to talk until I brought the dessert. Gilmos and Garrus had a frozen speciality I had been cooking for them for a while that a quarian on his Pilgrimage told me about when he was waiting at the C-Sec Academy lobby for a simple complaint about his vagrancy. To Butler and I had baked a tarte tatin.

"I hadn't baked one of those since I got on the Citadel. They remind me too much of my Mom." I said. "But I guess she would be proud I managed not to burn it. Such a shame you can't taste it, boys..."

But the boys, including Butler were silent. Garrus had rose up from his chair and left, his quarian dessert untouched. I heard the door open and close and I stayed there, frozen.

So that's when his mother became sick. I sat down. He would come back. I was as much of an anchor to him as he was to me. We'll make love and talk about it. I could understand him. My Mom had a heart attack only a year before I ended up on the Citadel. I was afraid she would pass away any time and proud of her every time she managed not to light up a cigarette.

I couldn't eat. Gilmos and Butler had lost their appetites too. I put everything into different conservation units as they bid me goodbye and left, urging me to send them messaged as soon as Garrus was all right.

And he didn't came the whole night. He didn't come to work the morning after. I asked Butler who discovered he had reported sick earlier. I sent him several text messages. He only answered to the last one. '_I'm fine. I'll drop by when I'm better._' And this was supposed to make me stop worrying ?

I was so worried that I went to his apartment. I only knew his address because I sneaked into the C-Sec databases, probably leaving a huge trail doing so. I sucked at modern tech.

It struck me that the one and a half year I spent living on the Citadel, I didn't go to a lot of places. I went to several dinners with Butler and Gilmos and Garrus always brought us along to the same club when we needed a bit of alcoholic leisure. I knew the Presidium well because I sometimes went to deliver documents in person for Executor Pallin to the asari hostess near the embassies. I sometimes wondered if it was related to his shady connections that got him killed in between the first two games.

And I never came to the Palavan Ward. It was mostly a turian inhabited area, even though there were four quarians that seemed to share an apartment next to Garrus'. The girl I saw had seemed weary from a long and tiring work day. Her helmet was inscrutable, but the sagging shoulders and bent back were a universal sign. She couldn't be more than my age, though. I stopped to feel sorry and pressed the door's bell button next to Garrus' door.

**I**t opened quickly to a short turian male. He was still taller than me, I was only five feet and seven inches while he was six feet high. Still, for a turian, he seemed incredibly small, but bulky with a large cowl. He had a dark skin but bore the gracious blue lines that were Garrus' moustache...

I suppressed a giggle. I could never curse the bastard enough for what he'd said !

"Hello, sir." I said in turian with a polite voice. "I'm Ellu Saisio, a friend of Garrus. I know that he's a bit sick, but I'm a bit worried. Can I talk to him ?"

I sincerely hoped I had made a good impression or made clear that I wasn't a threat. How would I be ? The only thing I knew about combat lied in my very old Playstation One at my mother's in the form of a _Tekken Iron Fist Tournament Three_ game disc and siblings fights in which my sister and brother lost a tooth each trying to impersonate the characters. I didn't know how to shoot either and I had downloaded an Overload program on my omni-tool which was basically useless because of the power limit on civilian devices. I mostly used it to win a few extra credits on cash machines. When I told Garrus, he removed the program from my terminal, but I downloaded it again a few weeks later. It was also useful for other things.

"Hi." he said. He seemed a bit confused. Maybe because I was speaking in the turian tongue. It probably sounded as dull to him as an Elcor sounds to anyone. "I'll get him right now." He finally managed to say.

I waited at the door. At that kind of times (first time at a new boyfriend's place and his parents open the door), I always waited for an explicit invitation to enter, even if I knew it was implied. The man that was probably Vakarian senior came back quickly enough to grab my shoulder and drag me in brusquely. I didn't utter a sound and let myself guided along the corridor quietly. Garrus' apartment was a lot bigger than mine. It had the same spartan bathroom but it had a real kitchen in lieu of the kitchenette I had in the corner of my living room. It was also well furnished with mismatched elements of furniture, probably from the moment he got the apartment. I still remember the amount of bedsheets my mother gave me, the luxurious armchair my father picked up in Parisian streets (I also got my washing machine that way, someone had trashed it up while my father only spent thirty minutes carrying it up to my flat and five minutes fixing a tiny joint.) and most of all, the wonderful double doors fridge my aunt from the States shipped to me. I still had the Best Buy receipt somewhere at _home_, something that doesn't exist in France.

Garrus' was on his sofa, toying with a plate of _cibumina_, basically a bright steak from a Palavan animal with starchy brown vegetables. The other turian 'that was probably his father' said :

"Here she is."

Garrus raised his eyes from his plate to look at me. His blue eyes had turned a deeper shade of blue that startled me until I thought 'Quelle nouille !" and just realised he had 'cried' until he was 'red-eyed'. I got closer and sat on the couch right next to him.

"Are you okay ?" I asked.

He nodded negatively.

"Still don't want to tell me what happened ?"

He stayed silent and looked up to his father who let out a small sigh.

"My bondmate... His mother... Had been sick for a while and she died from a nervous system failure."

I gaped. From the Shadow Broker files, I knew she had been ill, but she was trying a new treatment during Garrus' time in Omega. Before I could do anything else, I had reached for Garrus' cowl and brought him closer to me as if I was shielding him with my arms. He let himself being cuddled. I glanced to Vakarian Senior and he didn't seem to care... Or was he too depressed to mind or deny comfort to his son ?

Time flew. Vakarian Senior and I chatted about actuality matters, leaving Garrus time to recover. At midnight, I decided to go back home, not wanting to disturb them any more in their grief, but he wouldn't let me go.

"Come on, I don't even have my pyjamas with me." I tried to joke.

I was wearing the cheap white dress that I had bought so long ago with Butler. It had lost a bit of shine, but the contrast with my dark skin made it still a very good garment choice, unless I had to wander the Citadel late at night. All sort of thugs could come at me, I knew that very well, I expected him to offer to accompany me, though, not to stay. I had my underpowered taser, after all.

"Please." He said.

Vakarian Senior had his gaze resolutely fixed on the wall behind us and wasn't commenting.

"Okay, then." I said.

He was like a strange over grown child in my arms as I was lying naked against him in his bed, his father sleeping in the guest room. We talked until the day cycle started. At first, I was talking about my family and Ben, how I had come to terms that I couldn't go back to my home and maybe if I did, couldn't go back at the exact same place (it was easier to think of it as places than times.)

When he fell asleep, I sang to soothe his keening sub vocals.

_Perdona que entre sin llamar, no es esta la hora y menos el lugar._

_Tenía que contarte que en el cielo no se está tan mal._

_Mañana ni te acordarás, "tan sólo fue un sueño" te repetirás._

_Y en forma de respuesta pasará una estrella fugaz._

_Y cuando me marche estará mi vida en la tierra en paz._

_Yo sólo quería despedirme, darte un beso y verte una vez más..._

_Promete que serás feliz, te ponías tan guapa al reír._

_Y así, sólo así, quiero recordarte._

_Así, como antes, así, adelante, así, vida mía, mejor será así._

_Ahora debes descansar, deja que te arrope como años atrás._

_¿ Te acuerdas cuando entonces te cantaba antes de ir a acostar ?_

_Tan sólo me dejan venir dentro de tus sueños para verte a ti._

_Y es que aquella triste noche no te di ni un adios al partir._

_Y cuando me marche estará mi vida en la tierra en paz._

_Yo sólo quería despedirme, darte un beso y verte una vez más..._

_Promete que serás feliz, te ponías tan guapa al reír._

_Y así, sólo así, quiero recordarte._

_Así, como antes, así, adelante, así, vida mía, _

_Ahora te toca a ti, sólo a ti, seguir nuestro viaje._

_Se está haciendo tarde, tendré que marcharme. _

_En unos segundos vas a despertar..._

That song, I sang it a lot when I thought I was alone in the apartment, back in the 'witness protection program' days. It was better to me to imagine my relatives dead and giving me a last goodbye in my dreams before going back to dance with the angels. Having both Christians and Muslims in my family mixed up a lot of my religious beliefs, making me mostly an atheist in my way of life, but a big fan of the 'Heaven Theory' as I always put it. Except that nobody was left behind. There might even be aliens over there. This way, Shepard and Vakarian can meet at this bar they've been talking about...


	8. 7 Part One : Lancelot

**W**hen I woke up, it was the scent of bacon and eggs in a pan that drew me out of the empty bed to the kitchen. I am not much for Anglo-Saxon breakfast, but as a cook, my mom always made sure her children could appreciate everything, even if it wasn't sweet to the taste. That's how I wasn't startled at all my elderly host in Kotka had prepared me scrambled eggs and that's why I eagerly ate what Garrus had burned for me to eat something levo, appreciating the gesture. He could have just bought take away. Instead he went to a grocery and even asked how it could be prepared.

"You should have seen his face." Vakarian Senior said over his _ovena_ porridge, looking almost amused. "He looked like his eyes were about to pop out of his head and he told us to sod off."

"In the end, I checked it on the Extranet." Garrus said. "I also could have waited until you woke up and prepared it on your own, but I already skipped some rules about hospitality yesterday and was a terrible son for too long before that. Time to make amends and cook those awful '_chicken_' eggs. They smell so bad before they're cooked..."

"Must be something to keep you from trying it unwillingly and poison yourself" I said.

"Well, I'm glad I'm not allergic." He added looking at me with a wide mandible filled smile, making me laugh.

His father's mandibles tightened along his jaw as his brow plates dropped low onto his eyes. My cheeks turned a dark shade of red and Garrus stopped laughing. That was probably too much information for our elder. As a father and also maybe as a turian.

Our eyes fell onto our almost empty plates. We both were expecting him to either leave, rant or move on to change the subject, but he said in a accepting tone :

"I am extremely happy you found someone that suits you and allows you to keep your temper in check. Miss Saisio is human and I am probably prejudiced, but she seems to have been good for you so far. Just remember your duty to the Hierarchy and continue to do your job well. For your old father's peace of mind..."

If he was human, I think Garrus would have paled, but instead, his sub vocals were an incomprehensible buzz to my ears. Maybe confusion. Maybe a different version of the relief I already heard.

"Thank you Dad." he said in a voice that sounded happily surprised.

I eyed him suspiciously when he breathed in as if to add something but closed his mouth soon after. His father was no fool either.

"Something I might know ?"

"We were thinking that... Maybe... We could live together... We haven't made any plans yet. It was more something for next year or the year after, if..."

"If we're still together ? I still do not plan any break up soon." I interrupted.

"Didn't you want to... Go back _home_ ?" he asked.

I opened my mouth in surprise. Did I still want to go _home _?

"I seriously don't know." I genuinely answered in a whisper. "I like it here. With you. Back there... There's only regret and... Don't try to understand, I'm probably saying it wrong. But the important is that it's closed to me until my time comes. I'm sure they would want me to live, even with a turian." I added in a stronger voice.

I hoped I had disguised what I wanted to say enough. I had a new life. A chance to do it all right again. Maybe become a professional singer with no fear of what Ben would say. Chasing wild dreams like a child. He didn't understand my need to dream and sing. He was all numbers and facts. Hell, he didn't even like Fanfiction, saying it was a waste of time. I knew Garrus wouldn't stop me from realising my wishes and fantasies. He was a dreamer too.

We realised that Vakarian Senior had finished eating and that his son and I had been staring at each other all the time. My bacon was cold but I ate it anyway, I liked it that way too. The scrambled eggs, though, went into a containment box to be reheated later. (I'll probably toss them in the recycling unit once at home)

"Now that Garrus seems better, I can finally go." Vakarian Senior said. "Maybe now, I can catch another shuttle to Palaven and avoid to miss it."

Garrus shied a bit, mumbling something along the lines of 'I'm sorry dad'.

"The funeral is scheduled for next week." he said, turning his gaze to me and I felt another flush of blood to my cheeks. "You can come to support him if you wish. If you can't afford anti-radiation measures, of course you can refuse on those terms."

I looked at Garrus who nodded.

"It will be my honour to bring you support in a time of great distress." I said in turian. "I will come."

We escorted him to the nearest spaceport and he even extended a hand to shake mine. As we saw him leave, Garrus took my hand in his too and I looked up to him. I didn't think about the Reapers. Not one second.

**End of Part One**


	9. 1 Part Two : Méléagant

**WARNING : This is a new chapter in the 13th Warrior's story. It will contain mature themes such as sequestration and rape. Be aware that I have indeed a back up of this story but that it won't be graphic but it still can hurt.  
**

**Part Two : Méléagant**

_[1]Juste à notre aplomb, une corneille est posée sur une branche. Dans quelques secondes, elle va s'envoler. (La corneille s'envole.) Voilà. Nous avons franchi le solstice d'été. Et pendant que d'autres célèbrent le jour le plus interminable de l'année… Nous allons secrètement nous réjouir du retour des longues nuits. _

**W**hen I met Saren Arterius, it turned the little life I had built upside down.

I had been promoted as Executor Pallin's personal secretary for my extended knowledge of alien languages and customs and my hard work. (It was only a plus that I could prepare a decent cup of _acetis_) I now had to manage his appointment schedules and his paperwork in plus of what I did before, of course because they hadn't find an adequate replacement for me at the C-Sec Academy lobby. This was quite an important position because if something turned bad, I'd be the first responsible and even if I wasn't, Pallin wasn't exactly forgiving on humans. But I had been exemplar in every aspect of my boring work, and he respected that I followed the chain of command, despite my relationship with Garrus.

He didn't like hybrid couples, but what he disliked more was the constant treatment (or lack of) Garrus gave to his paperwork. We had several arguments about it :

"Work isn't about being pleasant !" I sarcastically said, kicking a cardboard box that was in the corridor when I opened the door.

"Well, you didn't choose your work." he answered, following me into the great apartment.

"You didn't want to work at C-Sec either." I reminded him.

"No, but I wanted to make a difference and to please my father. Two _lacertavis_, one arrow !"

"If you want to make a difference in a certain environment, you need to bend to its _putain de_ rules." I almost shouted with the heavy French accent I had when I was weary.

I had moved in another a room where I put the box back. I checked the writings on it. It said "Eliza", in clumsily written Latin letters. Garrus had made all the writings and probably thought appropriate that a box containing my belongings be marked in my own language. Not that I didn't know how to read most Galactic scripts, though. I was certain that this box wasn't supposed to be there, though.

I was pissed from my encounter with Saren. He had looked through me, sending shivers down my spine. I thought it normal, of course. He was the main villain in the first game, after all...

"Sir. What can I do for you ?" I had started in turian with my civil tone and my hostess smile.

"I have an appointment with the Executor." he said, heading to the closed but unlocked door of my boss' office.

"I beg you pardon, sir, but Executor Pallin is currently in the middle of another appointment. I suppose that you are Mister Saren Arterius, scheduled at ten hundred ?"

"That is correct." he said, his eyes widening.

Equivalent of a human narrowing his eyes into slits to see better. I shivered again, unexplainable terror crawling up my spine but I swallowed saliva and held his gaze.

"You are an hour early." I told him, my voice cold. "May I recommend you Citadel sights or is Avina or your personal experience of the station enough to occupy you during this leisure time ?" I added in a voice that I couldn't keep neutral. A smug smile and a cocky tone of voice that probably were my doom.

Saren closed the gap between us and bent over the office, his hands violently hitting my desk. His face came really near mine, as if he wanted to kiss me. His breath didn't smell of anything, but in his eyes glinted a cold fury that made my brain cringe and my hair bristle and send signals to every limb in my body. 'PREDATOR ! RUN ! PREDATOR ! RUN !'

After a violent and silent struggle with all my instincts, I stood firm, with a straight back and a raised head in my chair. My eyes probably felt unsure for a second but soon were ice cold dark orbs. He backed away, slowly and sat down to wait. An hour later, I was civil as I showed him to the Executor's office and brought them hot _acetis._

After that, I poured myself a cup of coffee in the rest room. I needed that to calm the shivers down and to warm myself to get rid of the goose bumps that prickled my skin. Garrus had come by at lunch and I realised that I had over extended my pause. Pallin was furious. I didn't bother to explain my distress at Saren's sight or his alpha display, it would have worsened his mood. I had told Garrus over our lunch, though and he didn't bother to think that I could have felt humiliated by the encounter. No, he didn't. He just yelled at Pallin, calling him an insensitive prick and Saren a ruthless cold-blooded killer beast.

Hence, the argument. Starting in the way back home about his lack of tact and subtlety. Then about my lack of backbone. Me retorting that I actually had some (I would have fled as far away from Saren as possible, otherwise).

"I know how to behave in public and I was completely at fault. I wasn't at my desk."

"From what I read, back where you came from, women were still guilty of teasing the men that raped them." Garrus had hissed. "I can understand why this neck of the woods can look strange with gender equality and all these cool stuff..."

"Where I come from, I was shit, it's right." I interrupted, narrowing my eyes, wanting to drill his plates with an optic blast. "Because I'm a woman, because of my _mixed descent_... Or simply because my parents were born below the Mediterranean sea..." I whispered. "But Pallin is my fucking boss. Can you hear me ? He is my boss and I had left my _station_ !" I insisted with the word station, trying to sound militaristic to this not-such-a-good-turian dickhead. "I had to be there and I failed. It's my job !"

"You mean that you enjoy it, right ?"

I opened the cardboard box, wondering what was in it that we hadn't unpacked in the year we had been living there. At first, we lived at Garrus' old flat. Then he asked why we didn't move into something bigger, I accepted and we got this wonderful loft ten-minutes to the Presidium. I was waiting for him to ask me what a turian-human baby would look like. I already had an answer. Not ready yet. I didn't want to adopt a child now only to loose him or her to the Reapers later.

In there was nothing but a data pad and lots of paper to fake the weight. It was written in turian script. _'I have my eyes on you'_.

I am not the fainting type. My theory being that all the tension accumulated from Saren's encounter, his predatory behaviour, Pallin's reprimand, Garrus' outburst and our subsequent argument had just reached its height and I had been paralysed with a fear. A primal fear. I was being hunted.

Garrus had calmed down while I was out. He had a med kit opened next to me and his omni-tool was already dialling emergency numbers. The features of his face had softened and his eyes were full of love and worry. He repressed his obvious need to hold me in his arms and crush my ribs in a hug and only buried his hand into my bushy hair.

"Ellu, I was so worried ! Are you okay ?" he asked immediately.

I was startled at the use of my assumed name.

"Did you tell my name to anybody ?" I burst out.

"No... I'm not even sure I remember it. Elise N... Something. Probably something impossible to pro..."

I was up and pacing very soon, in a deep state of panic. I held my arms up to my head and let out a desperate cry as I was jumping on my feet restlessly, wanting to desperately break something. I thought only the Shadow Broker would even know my name and probably putting it in one of his files. Whose interest a girl from the _past _could raise ? Unless someone knew about the Mass Effect games (and Garrus didn't know !) and then I was screwed.

I tried to breathe, with my belly, just like in vocal exercises. It worked. I went to retrieve the cardboard and show it to him. He understood immediately.

* * *

_**1: Translation : Just above us, a crow is alight on a branch. In a few seconds, it's going to fly away. (The crow flies away.) Here. We have crossed the summer solstice. While others celebrate the longest day of the year... We will secretly rejoice at the return of the long nights. **_


	10. 2 Part Two : Méléagant

**W**e spent the remaining months until the Eden Prime attack in fear. We didn't move out. It was important that we didn't show that we were afraid but I felt like I was followed every time. I felt two piercing eyes bear into my back every time I was out of our flat and sometimes even in it.

Garrus told his father about the data pad, though and the old man pulled a few strings to make sure we were safe. At lunch, we didn't linger in a diner any more. We grabbed sandwiches at the C-Sec cafeteria and went to the shooting range. He insisted. I didn't rebuke long. I was afraid enough to actually desire to at least know how to shoot straight. I also stopped to indulge in too much sugary treats and started a gym course. I chose the most popular because it would be the most crowded. I had Butler or Gilmos accompany me on the way back and forth when Garrus couldn't and made sure to make a lot of friends from the course that were not living too far from home in case the three were incapable of escorting me. We had lied to them about the threat, only showing them the data pad with the turian script. For all they knew, we just realised that my apparition on the Citadel was not self-combustion but a real attempt at my person that I didn't remember of, probably because of a trauma.

One night, exactly two days after Eden Prime's attack, I didn't have anybody. The friend I was supposed to go back with, a gorgeous three hundred years old asari, was going for a drink with co-workers in the wards. I asked her if I could come and she shrugged.

"They're probably completely wasted, by now." she said with a shrug. "They won't notice."

I followed Kelu to the club, sending a message to Garrus so he could pick me up when he finished his shift. It ended later and later every night because I insisted that he did all his paperwork now. He only agreed just so he could be beyond reproach. I might also have said that Spectres were bullies and called his father to have this debate. Saren being a turian that had bullied me for more than a second (which was already too much by my dear turian's standards), that had managed to at least get him to do his paperwork properly.

I sometimes felt like I already had a child and was only making sure he was doing all of his homework. I sincerely hoped that John Shepard was a Paragon, otherwise we might have a serious parental problem.

It was at the club, when a TV broadcast caught my eye. It repeated the news about Eden Prime's attack and I thought about it without a jest. What would happen if Garrus was not on the Normandy and decided to stay with me, to protect me ? He would definitely stay, now. How could I have been so stupid ? If I left him just for that, he'd be joining Shepard for the wrong reasons... Or I could explain it all about the games. I was afraid that if I talked about it, I'd be definitely fucked and in the Shadow Brokers files for good, especially with someone wanting me, probably Saren. The news of his death wouldn't please him and he would kill me... If Sovereign didn't do it before him.

And there was no way I'd come near the Normandy, except for a good bye hand weave. Not only, the Alliance vessel would be going near the Reapers, but I was really far from Alliance regs about physical standards and three months in a casual gym training course didn't make for years of gene therapy that strengthened the bones and being Pallin's personal secretary only guaranteed me an experience as a diplomat, not a soldier. The shooting range with Garrus, Tribes : Ascend and Team Fortress 2 didn't count. (Not that I could have a fish to fight with anyway !)

Unless they let me in as cook. Garrus and Tali would love to eat proper cuisine, even if it was mostly turian gastronomy. This thought was dismissed with a smile. Poor Gardner wouldn't know how to make himself useful with me in the décor !

I shook my head. In vain. The music was a delicious nectar to my ears. I started to move, ever so slightly. I hadn't drink a drop of alcohol, not wanting to compromise me more. I already knew the effect music had on me. Soon, I was dancing with Kelu, my friend from the gym. She was lean and strong, with well defined muscles and I've never been that much into womanly curves, but she a the kind of rack that caught the eye. I lost myself to the music, head banging, my curls bobbing on my scalp. Kelu got closer. Suddenly, I stepped back. I felt wrong. At first, I just thought I felt guilty about being attracted in another person while I was already committed. Then, I realised that we were alone, somewhere I didn't know and void of any lifeforms. Kelu smiled and I felt a presence behind me.

"I've got my eyes on you, Eliza." I heard him drawl behind my ear.

"Méléagant." I whispered.

And the world faded to black.


	11. 3 Part Two : Méléagant

**And this is when my writing becomes batshit crazy. And it's not even over... Y.  
**

* * *

**W**hen I woke up, I was on a cold metal floor. My head was filled with a hangover-like migraine that was killing me and when I tried to rub my forehead to make it go away, I realised that my hands were bound behind my back. Everything was dark around me and fear crept up on me like a stupid ex-boyfriend wanting a quick shag because he felt alone. I started to fidget, having a panic attack, my throat constricting, hurting and tears burning my eyes.

"Easy there..." a suave dual-tonal voice said.

I knew this voice. It made me go completely still and freeze my face into a hateful scowl.

"Saren." I growled, frowning to hide my disarray.

Saren laughed. I couldn't see in the dark, only assume that I was in a spaceship because of the way my insides swayed just like when I was on a boat and the humming in a sharp D minor that sounded familiar to my ears, though I couldn't quite remember where I had heard it.

"Nice to know that I am not someone that is easily forgotten..."

"What do you want with me ?" I asked bluntly.

"I don't really know myself." he admitted with a chuckle. "But I have to admit that your are indeed interesting, Eliza Ngeufeu. Is that how you pronounce it ?"

I was red with rage. The bastard didn't even scratched my last name, pronouncing it à la perfection. I jerked my hands. I wanted to punch him. Then what ? I thought, letting myself go limp. As I said before, a few months of gym couldn't help me against a trained soldier. A biotic at that.

Saren got closer.

"You appear on a crime scene at the Citadel, burnt on a fourth degree depth on your whole body and you react wondrously well to a treatment that should have left a human incapacitated, only getting out of the hospital with a minor scratch on the finger."

I looked at him with my best Yao Ming's '_Bitch Please_' look. He held my stare and brought his face to me again.

"The doctors didn't mention that, did they ? That every other patient had horrid scaring and some even had a a few fingers or toes amputated. Only asari showed the same result as you... A perfect and pristine new skin just as good as new. I wonder how it became darker, though..."

'My normal melanin rate going back to normal', I had assumed when I had noticed it. Then I thought it was ridiculous. There wasn't any sun in the Citadel and I never went UV sessions in my whole life, so why start now that I had experienced something more serious than the sunburn I got when I was in summer camp in Italy ? It had hurt like hell, my one and only sunburn. From this moment I always wore sunscreen. Especially in summer in Finland. It was mandatory when the sunshine per day was more than twenty-two hours and in some places, the sun didn't even set from May to July.

I shivered when my eyes finally adjusted to the dark. Saren was exactly the same than in the game. His unappealing face made of silver and his fringe a shame to turian aesthetics. His cowl was augmented by a set of tubes that were very similar to the cables hanging on the walls, connecting walls of metal to others...

_I am in Sovereign._

I couldn't help. I had to screamed in horror.

Saren punched me hard in the face. I bit my lip hard in the process and my scream became a slight moan.

I had bit my tongue once, when I was roller blading in the tiny town's place, back when we lived in the countryside. I was five and I loved my rollerblades. In the nearby bar where my mom was buying her cigarettes, they were dashing to me and they made me suck ice cubes whole day to thin the metallic taste of the blood to my immature taste buds. Nobody came to my aid as I spit the red fluid on my dirty black gym shirt. The worst was that Saren wanted to hit me again. I could see it. But he only tightened his fingers into fists, made them glow with biotic power and unleashed a throw at an asari behind him that I recognised as Kelu.

She landed on a sharp contraption that cut her in half with a separation around her navel. My eyes were bulging out of their sockets at the sight of the crimson to purple blood. I couldn't open my mouth to scream, though. The primal fear in me paralysed my windpipe, meaning that even if I opened my mouth, I would be incapable of uttering a sound other than a laboured respiration.

"I also wondered what Pallin saw in you. He only had one personal secretary, back when he got the Executor position and when the asari occupying the job had revealed incompetent, he sent her back to the gentlemen's club his predecessor had found her in. I know Pallin enough to know that he is not a xenophile... Yet, he requested you."

My throat was still constricted, but I managed to squeak and articulate with my bleeding tongue :

"I do my job. I do it well and I don't earn my promotions on my back."

"Then you have more honour than I thought you had." Saren said. "Maybe the exception to the rule..."

He leaned back on me. Breathing down my neck. I batted my eyes several times and painfully swallowed a mixture of saliva and blood.

"Benezia ?" he snapped.

"Yes, my love." a deep voice answered.

"Can you still procreate ?"

I must have looked surprised, because Saren's metallic mandibles widened in a devilish grin.

"It is highly discouraged for asari older than seven hundred to try to mother a child. Fathering is not a problem, though, which is impossible if the mother is not asari."

"Do you have any Matron among your commandos ?"

"I have several ones, but they must be combat operational for your plan to succeed."

"Right... I had forgotten that." Saren said.

Suddenly, I realised that this conversation was just a way to toy with me as a three sixty television lit up right behind him. He turned around, his large frame hiding me from the screen.

"Don't even bother to scream. First because I am still angry and might kill you. Second, because the microphone I use is designed to only register a certain range of sounds that fall just above human's lowest range of vocal performance."

Of course, only his sub vocals would be caught by the microphone. I wondered how to to be heard.

I wasn't much for numbers, but I was a singer, I knew whose numbers I needed and to which notes they corresponded. But it was wrong. I would need to drop at the lowest human male voice level, which was below my own, I could only drop to two hundred megahertz with a throat ache and without breathing. (Back when I was a kid, my schoolmates used to call me Darth Chewbacca when I was sick...)

It became hard to think. My tongue hurt. Slowly, I started to sing. It was the tune I was singing at Garrus' mother funeral. He will know it. Won't he ?


	12. 4 Part Two : Méléagant

**Here start the rape scenes. I hope I kept it soft enough but, yeah, I ain't proud of that one. Y.  
**

* * *

**I** didn't know how much time it took for me to fall asleep in such an ominous place. I wanted to be as far as possible from the Reapers and now, I was in one ! Was it capable of reading my feeble organic mind ? Soon, it won't need to coerce me into anything, since I was probably going to become indoctrinated, just like Saren and Benezia were. I would tell him everything and it would crush John Shepard and Garrus like the bugs they were to his two kilometres long arse. But I finally did fell asleep. Probably out of exhaustion. I found some dark humour at the indoctrinated Asari commandos reduced to child care, feeding me nutrient paste with plastic spoons and undressing me to plunge me in a pool of transparent goo whose smell and texture felt like this product all my girl friends and relatives back home used to clean their hands at all times and didn't need rinsing.

I had never bothered with it and definitely stopped even considering using it sometimes that weren't an emergency when I learned it also killed beneficial bacteria. I only used it once, when I changed a diaper during a very long baby-sitting session. I didn't like excrements at all. Ben was always asking 'Do you fucking eat toilet paper ? You're not even going there that often !'. The answer being as simple as that : I loathed body waste of any origin, even sometimes sweat. If I ever was to be lost without a drink, this phobia would prevent me from drinking urine and I would die. I didn't go near the cat box unless I absolutely had to and used gloves and a face mask that we had bought when we painted the bedroom a light shade of blue back when I was with Ben.

Thinking about blue made my brain dream for a moment of a place where I wasn't naked, bathing in my own piss and shit, bound to a chair. I even laughed all alone at the sight of Garrus' with a bushy blue moustache holding me in his arms and dancing like we did in clubs since that fateful night, when we had sex together for the first time.

I was awoken but a sharp pain in my groin and I screamed. Tears leaked out of my eyes and Saren once again inflicted his ugly face on me.

"Come on, Eliza." he said. "It doesn't hurt that bad after it started."

When I was in the hospital, all those years ago and watched the Presidium, I thought that I was in a nightmare.

This... This was Hell.

"Do you know what happened, yesterday ?" he said.

He sounded calm, but his sub vocals said 'furious and crazy'.

"Commander John Shepard, your humanity's beloved Spectre blew up my facilities on Noveria... I had so much unfinished projects in there... And he killed my rachni queen. MY RACHNI QUEEN ?!" he yelled onto my face.

My throat constricted once again. Saren had started to burn with blue flames.

"Do you realise how much time it took to retrieve the egg ? Do you REALISE ?! No you don't..."

He was rabid, raving at less than a centimetre of my face, his eyes mad. I braced myself for another aggression.

"He killed Benezia and her commandos too. He had your little boyfriend with him and an asari bitch. Heard it was Benezia's pureblood daughter..."

I started to find breathing hard. What was he doing with this tube into me ?

He was right, it had stopped to hurt much more as a finger constantly pressed against my inner thigh. I felt one end of the tube scratch my pubis from the inside, but it wasn't near as painful as fully declared good old mensies.

"What is it for ?" I asked, trying to make my voice sound firm but definitely failing to do so.

Saren took a few steps towards me, his plates looking into an invisible horizon and his posture relaxing. I almost wanted to hear "It's a warm summer evening in Ancient Greece." Yes, humour made me keep sane until that day.

"I have a friend... His name is Sovereign and he is our infinitely greater..."

'Here it comes', I thought. Sovereign didn't seem like the patient type of dude. Fear was a constant friend now. Its name made me shudder, though.

"When I exposed my theory to him about you being the perfect human..."

"To turian standards..." I added sarcastically. I regretted immediately those words as I was sure that they triggered it.

I screamed as the tube suddenly seemed to leak fire in my groin.

"Then he proposed me a little experiment involving you... To replace the rachni warriors your little boyfriend made..."

He removed his armour piece by piece, starting with the chest plate and I immediately started to trash around at the sight of his metallic exoskeleton slowly being bared just in front of my eyes in the dim light of the Reaper.

"Non... Non... _Putain, NON !_" I muttered in desperation.

I was too tightly bound. I only opened large gashes in my leg were the tube was inserted and pouring its magic into me. Into my very feminine and private part. I already felt violated by a sentient spaceship seeking extermination of every space faring race. Was I to be raped by its minion too ?

"What... Why are you doing that ?" I managed to ask in a stutter heavily weighted by a stress induced French accent.

"Sovereign is willing to let us live, Eliza." Saren said in a low purr. "As much as I hate humans... I may have to agree with Pallin and Vakarian. You are attractive to us, because we are so much alike... Sovereign will simply make it possible, make sure that your genetic traits aren't lost in the human mud..."

I had wondered what would have happened to me during my time on Sovereign. Becoming a brood mother for Reaper creations was the least I thought would come true. Becoming Saren's plaything became the least of my problems, now. Birthing abominations was another matter entirely, one that made my head spin and bile rise to the back of my throat. I let out a high pitched shrill that I thought should hurt Saren's eardrums and it did. His hands flew to the sides of his fringe as he shrieked in fury. When I didn't have it any more in me to hold on the note and had to breathe in, he punched me in the stomach, not letting me suck the air in. My tongue had barely healed and the cut reopened under the force of the shock. I almost choked on the blood flow.

Saren was now as naked as a turian could be, his plates shining under the dim red glow of the lights Sovereign had provided his organic minions. At first, I was relieved when I saw that his pubic plates hadn't fully shifted to accommodate him, but he closed his eyes and let his tongue out of his mouth to smell and taste the air. He looked like a guy masturbating to the girl of his dreams. Except that he wasn't using his hands.

He was using me.

As he pounded into my limp body and thrust his fingers in my mouth to wet them with my blood and taste it, I thought of Ben and Garrus. And I held my tears. I will kill Saren Arterius.


	13. 5 Part Two : Méléagant

**I** lost track of time. Before, the Asari were bathing me at what seemed every morning and feed me at the optimal three times of the day. Now that they were gone, killed by John Shepard and the Normandy crew at Peak Fifteen, Noveria, the Heretics were doing it and they seemed to find a better solution to let me soak in the pool of goo for a long, long time. It was preferable to bathing in excrements, but with my bound hands, I couldn't get out of it on my own.

At least, I was clean. On the outside. On the inside, I was a mess of Reaper tech and turian black semen. I had three allergic reactions from it mixing with my blood, all of them resolved with anti-histamines and a few electroshocks. Then they stopped. Probably the Reaper tech in me.

When I was not in the pool, I was in the chair, alone. Saren was nowhere to be found. I had started to show a monstrous lump. The sight of it made me want to kill myself. I tried to drown into the pool. The Heretics then devised a contraption that allowed me to bathe with my head out of the liquid. When I was asleep, they probably had the thing off my uterus because I had a big scar when I woke up one day, the lump was gone and Saren was back.

He arboured a malevolent grin on his face as he fitted the tube into the permanent hole it had pierced in my groin and resumed his raping. He still had erectile troubles when he first undressed. That made him even more evil. He knew what he was doing, what it meant for me, he was doing it for a reason.

He sometimes ranted before starting it. This time, I learned that he was on Feros. He was happy. The Heretics had been left to deal with the rest of the colonists and the commando that had been on a mission there from even before Benezia was killed. And Saren had the Prothean cypher. He will soon move to Virmire. Maybe I could try and kill him right now. Before he hurts Ashley or Kaidan. I hated Kaidan as a character, but that didn't mean I would let him get killed if I could prevent it. Though I confess that I wanted to kill Saren more than I wanted to save two complete strangers.

I trained my voice to reach the low notes I uttered when I sang during his call to the Council... That seemed to have happened centuries ago. But my voice was there. Nobody would take it from me. And it would serve me once Shepard got to speak to Sovereign.

Three lumps in my uterus later, Saren left me again, this time just bound on the chair. I still had a fourth in. I started my humming in the lowest range I could reach. It was a C two octaves below the middle level for it that was around two hundred and sixty hertz. My chest hurt with the effort of trying to resonate in my stomach instead of my lungs and throat, the way I'm used to. I never was interested in ventriloquism but now I just wished I had at least read on it. My insides hurt like hell. The lump was moving inside of me and I didn't have the slightest clue about the chances I had that my plan worked. I didn't even know if Garrus had heard me the first time !

I resumed the humming and then I heard it.

"_**YOU ARE NOT SAREN."**_

And in front of me, there was John Shepard on the screen, just like he had been in my play through. Messy blonde hair, clear blue eyes and a thick jaw to go along with his large nose.

"What is that, some kind of VI interface ?"

His voice made me jump on my chair. He was there, in three sixty, so close and yet so far away.

"Garrus ?" I asked.

"Ellu ?" he answered. "Where are you ?"

"I am inside Sovereign." I said painfully. I had to keep my voice low to be heard. "It's... It's a Reaper !"

"I fucking knew the moment they told me they heard someone sing _Carmina Burana._" he said with a smile_._ "Are you okay ? We don't have a visual on you..."

"You heard ? It worked ? I'm... I thought I could send an SOS if I kept my voice low, but it's painful to speak below the human male voice frequency. I think that I won't be able to sing any more, Blue."

"You'll sing, Little Bird, you'll sing." he answered.

"Ellu." John said in his voice from the game. "Is Saren on the ship."

"He left. He will kill one of your squad. Choose wisely." I added sounding more cryptic than I wished. I had to. My voice hurt.

"Do you have anything that could help us to the conduit."

"Ilos." I said. I let breathed out and started again, trying not to cry, otherwise I will rise my voice too high. I had to tell Garrus, just in case I died. I had to make him kill Saren if I failed. He had to.

"Saren did awful things to me. He... Forced himself on me. Said he didn't want whatever made me loose itself into the Human genetics. I'm... I'm birthing Reaper demons. I want to die. I always wanted to die since I ended up in this fucked up place, but now I really want to, I'm so sorry, Garrus. Don't try to be my Lancelot. Méléagant will just use me until I'm a worthless pile of flesh and blood. He doesn't even enjoy doing that. He does it to hurt me and rebuild fucking Sion. The Architect's way. That makes him even worse. That's why I'll try to kill him before he goes to Ilos, Sovereign needs an organic to trigger the Mass Relay planetside to the Citadel. Don't stop to warn the Council, they will ground you. They won't like what you said. Just go straight to Ilos. Not that I wouldn't enjoy Anderson finally punching Udina... My favourite part of the game aside from punching the Al-Jilani bitch..."

I was rambling. Pain in my chest was making me go mad. Garrus' sight made me cry and all was lost. I wasn't speaking low enough any more.

"_**WHAT THE TIME TRAVELER SAID MATTERS NOT. YOU WILL FAIL.**_" Sovereign resumed. "_**AS SHE FAILED TO CONTINUE HER MESSAGE BECAUSE OF HER FRAGILE ORGANIC FRAME. BOUND TO THE LAWS OF THE MUTATIONAL ACCIDENT. GO TO ILOS, MORTAL. WHAT SAREN AND SHE UNWITTINGLY HELPED TO CREATE WILL BE THE KEY TO THE CONDUIT.**_"

I heard Garrus yell and then gunshots. He probably shot the console. That meant that he was mad. That he will look for me until he found me or my body and leave a bloody trail in his wake. I hope John Shepard can manage. Last time I saw him like that, I had stepped aside to let him snipe Lantar Sidonis.

I let my breathing go back to normal.

I fell asleep.

**W**hen Saren was back, he removed the lump in my belly without anaesthesia while I was awake. It was a thick bundle of blue and grey flesh with goose bumps and covered in amniotic liquid, red blood and black Reaper fluid. It didn't hurt. Probably because I had too much Reaper tech in me to be human any more. Saren was pacing all the time, sometimes impregnating me. All I knew was that we were going to Ilos.

My sight had gotten better. I could see Saren's cybernetically enhanced body as if it was in plain daylight. I always had my eyes on him now. I noticed how he changed after Virmire.

"You're starting to see it ?" he said. "The superiority of Sovereign. He implanted me to strengthen my resolve..."

"... To finally clench his claws shut around your feeble mind." I interrupted him with a weak low voice.

He hit me in the face, not really hard. Just enough so I'd get the message. I purposefully ignored it. It was time that I finished Saren Arterius' pathetic life.

My voice was broken. I sounded like my brother when his voice started to change. I hated that. He took my freedom, he took my intimacy... And he succeeded in taking my voice. I could not loathe the turian more. I started with Evolution. I didn't read any books about Mass Effect, just their entry in a Mass Effect dedicated wiki, but that meant I still knew of Desolas Arterius.

"Do you want to end up like your brother ?" I asked. "Enslaved to a piece of advanced technology, to revere its magic like a primitive..."

He growled and slowly got closer to me. His eyes were wide with surprise and anger.

"You are a slave to Sovereign. A mere tool." I spit, not letting him the time to think. "You are a shame to the Spectres and to the Hierarchy. You betrayed your kind. You betrayed the Galaxy."

"I didn't betray ANYONE !" he yelled. "I am saving them. I am showing Sovereign the uses of the organics..."

"And you believe him ?" I said.

Sovereign shuddered. I knew we were on Ilos.

"I am a vision of the future, Eliza. An evolution of all organic life. And so are you."

Saren had brought an armour that used to belong to one of the commandos. I didn't know how much I lost in weight, but I was pretty sure I couldn't fit the chest plate with those big old boobies of mine. He untied me. My arms were completely numb from the inefficient blood circulation.

Then he made me turn around and for the first time in an eternity, I saw myself.

My hair was still in place, but thinner, its curls limping, lifeless and they had become white. Strands were falling everywhere on my shoulders. My skin had turned a pale shade of greyish maroon, especially on my wrists were the bindings had reduced the efficiency of blood circulation. There, the skin was white and blue, my hands looked ready to fall off my arms. My body had thinned so much, I probably had gone back to the C cup I had when I was thirteen. They were sagging, like those of an old woman, and in my left leg was the scar and the bruise that the Reaper introduction tube had left. My emaciated face was still the same mix of African and Arab traits. Full lips, chapped, my nose starting with a strong bridge and finishing with a flat tip and nostrils, almond shaped eyes with maroon irises looking at my miserable silhouette.

I was still me in some extent. If there was still colour in my eyes and gold in my voice, I was still me.

_'Résiste  
Prouve que tu existes  
Cherche ton bonheur partout, va,  
Refuse ce monde égoïste  
Résiste  
Suis ton coeur qui insiste  
Ce monde n'est pas le tiens, viens,  
Bats-toi, signe et persiste'  
_

Saren grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked my head back to meet his eyes.

"No more singing, _bird_ !" he whispered. "Just feel the true rebirth of your very being."

He then proceeded to wrap me into a light armour that had been one of Benezia's commando's. The chest plate was a bit tight but it felt good to be clothed again. To almost feel human again. When we stepped on Ilos, I also was glad that the planet was already a battlefield.

It meant that Shepard had listened to me. He was there. Maybe Garrus was there too. In the meantime, I needed to break Saren.

* * *

**The end of the first part is over. It's been a while because my desktop was down. Meanwhile, I couldn't even continue to write the sequel but I'll give it a try. I initially wanted to end it at the end of ME one so there is an epilogue that can bring some kind of closure. Anyway, I'm also swamped in work so I'll try to give you some signs before summer (internship - still haven't found it : I'm looking for community management stuff in France, but UK is good too...)**

**Anyway, see ya as soon as I find time to publish the next one. Y**


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